yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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