Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
NoShamevember. You game?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
