I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
