Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
