remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the condom got lost in my hair
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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