I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
