it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
