nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
