You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
