It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
