great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
