his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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