Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
only if we run a train.
done.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
