well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
