need another drink. this is the easiest way
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
