I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
