I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
