I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
