That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize