Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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