yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
