He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
