Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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