so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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