the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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