i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
