he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
