Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
