get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Say something about gay babies.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
