I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
