do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
