He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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