SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
