It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
