Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
