I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
