I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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