We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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