Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
