He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
