Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
