Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
