can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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