i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
