I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
