i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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