I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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