1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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