omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
