I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
