I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
