i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
