I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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