i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
