Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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