the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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