Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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