The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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