Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
