Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
