my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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