What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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