You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
