Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
